Let me tell you about a little yellow bastard that lives in your refrigerators. His name is mustard and he is the enemy. Mustard. Even the word suggests evil and horror. Listen to me, mustard, You are a filthy filthy item, polluting the tables of America. Your variety does not mask your evil ways. Fuck you mustard. You are born of seeds reaped from the grounds of hell itself. You sit quietly in your jars and tubes and worst of all.... Your PACKETS. Who gave you reign over the packet industry? WHO GAVE YOU THE POWER TO BE CONVENIENT AND PORTABLE? You do not deserve your place in the animal eating kingdom. You deserve to rot in hell, where you were wrought, on the devils dried, 7-11 style hell dogs.
All the best,